Category Archives: Jokes

joke of the day

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex…
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
‘Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!

joke of the day

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench  one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of  breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he  did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, “Well, I eat Italian bread every day.  It keeps your  energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery.  As he was  looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, “Do you have any Italian bread?”

She said, “Yes,  there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”
He said, “I want 5 loaves.”
She said, “My goodness, 5 loaves …. by the time you get to the 5th loaf,  it’ll be hard.”

He replied, “I can’t believe it, everybody knows about this miracle but me.”

joke of the day

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

“I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he
replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman “I
would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.
“Darn, he recognized me,” she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time:
haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, and then waited a few days before she
again approached the salesman. “I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a blonde?”
“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.

joke of the day

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the
replies from the maintenance crews. “Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally
leave for maintenance crews.
————————————–
Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”
Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.”
————————————–
Problem: “Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.”
Solution: “Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.”
————————————–
Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”
Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”
————————————–
Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”
Solution: “Evidence removed.”
————————————–
Problem: “Number three engine missing.”
Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”
————————————–
Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”
Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”
————————————–
Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”
Solution: “Live bugs on order.”
————————————–
Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.”
Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground.”
————————————–
Problem: “IFF inoperative.”
Solution: “IFF inoperative in OFF mode.”
————————————–
Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”
Solution: “That’s what they’re there for.”

joke of the day

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher
were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead
and preach.
The cowboy said, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed
up, I’d feed him.”
So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally
finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, “Well, I’m not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle
and only one showed up, I sure wouldn’t feed him all the hay.”

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacherwere the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go aheadand preach.The cowboy said, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showedup, I’d feed him.”So the minister began his sermon.One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finallyfinished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.The cowboy answered slowly, “Well, I’m not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattleand only one showed up, I sure wouldn’t feed him all the hay.”

joke of the day

Moshe Kohn opens a Kosher restaurant in London and puts a notice in the window
“ARABS NOT WELCOME”.
A couple of days later, a person of obviously Arab origin walks in and requests a
sandwich – so the cashier quickly runs into Moshe’s office asking what to do.
Moshe decides that he really doesn’t want a scandal, so he orders “OK, give him the
sandwich, but charge him double – that should teach him.”
But the next day the same Arab is back again – this time for a full lunch.
Moshe decides “Charge him triple, he’ll get the lesson this time!”
The Arab eats his lunch, pays without a quibble, praises the food and even asks for a
reservation for 10 of his friends for the same evening.
Moshe decides “OK, let him have the reservation, but if his friend do come, charge them
tenfold!”
The Arabs appear in the evening, have a large dinner, pay without complaining and even
tip generously.
The next day Moshe puts a new sign in the window: “JEWS NOT WELCOME.”