A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want
to pay up. What should I do?”
“Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer.
“Nope,”” replied the man.
“Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you,” said the lawyer.
“But it’s only $500,” replied the man.
“Precisely. That’s what he will reply and we will have the proof we need to nail him.”
A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, “Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make. The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way.
In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense.”
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, “Where are you going, Father?”
“I’m going to the church 5 miles down the road,” replied the priest.
“No problem, Father! I’ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck.”
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer.
However, even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud “thud.”
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn’t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, “I’m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer.”
“That’s okay,” replied the priest. “I got him with the door!”