Private Jones was assigned to the Army induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman’s Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn’t long before the center’s Lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Lt. stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said. “If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000.”
“Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?”
A newly married sailor was informed by the navy that he was going to be stationed a long
way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got
there, he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.
“My love,” he wrote “we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting
to miss you and there’s really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, young
attractive native girls constantly surround us. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind
I would not tempted?”
So his wife sent him back a harmonica, saying, “Why don’t you learn to play this?”
Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. “Darling,” he
said, “I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!’
She kissed him and said, “First, let’s see you play that harmonica.”
A man was being interviewed for a job.
“Were you in the service?” ask the interviewer.
“Yes, I was a marine,” responded the applicant.
“Did you see any active duty?”
“I was in Iraq for 2 years and I have a partial disability.”
“May I ask what happened?”
“Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles.”
“You’re hired. You can start Monday at 10 am.”
“When does everyone else start? I don’t want any preferential treatment because of my
“Everyone else starts at 7 am, but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done
between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do
You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada,
known simply as “Area 51”?
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a
Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and
hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he
was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the
pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a
spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing,
complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-away
on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again.
Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane… only this time there was two people in the
The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the
plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”
One night, the husband brought home his Navy sub buddies for dinner. They’d all had big grins on their faces and you could tell something was going on, but no one would tell.
When they all left, the wife asked the husband what was the joke.
He said, “During the test today, the instructor read the questions and we were to write down the answers. When he asked, ‘Who can initiate an emergency blow?’ I answered out loud, ‘My wife can.’”
“We had to take a 15 minute break so he could quit laughing.”
A Navy officer was cutting through the crew’s quarters of his ship one day and happened
upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.
“Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” the officer demanded.
“No, sir, but we don’t land airplanes on the roof either.”