Category Archives: Religion

Joke of the day

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly,
“Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?”
“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”
“Oh, sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”

Joke of the day

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked, “Doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”
Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, “What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”
“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God’s right hand!”

Joke of the day

A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, “Who was the greatest man that ever lived?”
A girl raises her hand and says, “I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country.” The teacher replies, “Well…that’s a good answer, but that’s not the answer I am looking for.”
Another young student raises his hand and says, “I think Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped end the civil war.” “Well, that’s another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for.”
Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and says, “I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived.” The teacher’s mouth drops open in astonishment. “Yes!” she says, “that’s the answer I was looking for.” She then brings him up to the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop.
Later, during recess, another Jewish boy approaches him as he is licking his lollipop. He says, “Why did you say, ‘Jesus Christ’?”
The boy stops licking his lollipop and replies, “I know it’s Moses, and YOU know it’s Moses, but business is business.”

Joke of the day

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly,
“Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?”
“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer
coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”
“Oh, sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”

Joke of the day

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.
A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher’s entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, “Okay, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”
The preacher is astonished and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely, I rate higher than a cabby.”
St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: “Here we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed.”

Joke of the day

A precocious 4-year-old was brought to the ER with a severe cough, a nurse writes. She kept up a non-stop conversation while I was trying to assess her lung sounds. Finally, I said, “Shhh, I have to see if Barney is in there.”
The child looked at me and calmly stated, “I have Jesus in my heart. Barney is on my underwear.”

Joke of the day

A priest was hearing confession one evening when an elderly gentleman entered the
confessional.
“Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I’m 80 years old and have been faithful to my wife
for all of 60 years of our marriage. That all ended last night when I spent the evening
with 2 attractive twins that just moved into our building.”
“Our God is a merciful God. Tell me, when was your last confession?”
“Never. I’m Jewish.”
“Then why are you telling me your confession?”
“Are you kidding? At my age, I’m telling EVERYONE!!”

joke of the day

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, “Where are you going, Father?”
“I’m going to the church 5 miles down the road,” replied the priest.
“No problem, Father! I’ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck.”
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer.
However, even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud “thud.”
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn’t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, “I’m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer.”
“That’s okay,” replied the priest. “I got him with the door!”

joke of the day

A priest and a minister walked into a bar. After sitting down, ordering, and some chitchat
the priest said, “Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?” He then realized the truth, “I think we’re in a gay bar.”
A man approached and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was dumbfounded, and
didn’t know what to do. The minister leaned over and whispered something in the man’s
ear. The man nodded and walked off.
The relieved priest said, “Thanks. What did you tell him?”
The minister replied, “I just told him we’re on our honeymoon.”